I think the best way to start out is starting from the beginning. Well, the beginning of when my life completely changed.
It was the year 2005, the worst year of my entire life. The year I lost my best friend, my cousin, my soul sister, seriously my entire world and the breath around me. She struggled with Lupus for years but just after turning 18 complications from Lupus took my cousin Andrea, brought her straight to heaven and dissolved all her pain she had dealt with for so long. I was completely horrified by death, by the idea that He, God, anyone could take her away like that. I couldn’t even be there to watch her pass. I couldn’t deal with the hurt. Now 12 years later I’m still mad at myself for that. I will never forgive myself for not being there. I hope she forgives me, I hope she knows why I couldn’t be there, but even if she forgives me I don’t forgive myself.
One year after her passing He decided it was time. He could sense it in my heart, in my eyes. He knew I needed her. I needed her to heal, to move forward, to have a purpose to keep me going. When I refer to “He”, I mean God and when I refer to “her”, I mean Jade. I don’t put my healing on her, I don’t expect a child to heal me but she did it any way.
Jade came when my strength was failing me. My day to day was just that. It was a day to day. It was days filled with education, part time work, the future needed a game plan. I never questioned being here, only questioned what my purpose was. I knew that if Andrea was here she would have many purposes and that I needed a purpose not only for myself but for her too. Then came my biggest purpose yet. I was about to bring a human into this world. When my strength was failing, I was given the gift of healing via purpose.
Little did I know in that moment, that my life would be forever changed.